Archive for июня 2015
INTERNAL DANCE OF LILIYA BURDINSKAYA
27 июня 2015
When did dance appear in your life at first time?
-At the age
of 6. I didn’t like it. I was really suffering during classes, I didn’t want to
dance at all. When I was 8, I gave promise myself: I will learn to dance so
good that when I will leave it, nobody could complain. I promised myself that I
would be special in this art to prove everybody once for all.
-Was the classical choreography the first step?
- Yes, of
course. All starts from classic. I remember that my teacher of classical
choreography was very hard-edged.
- You didn’t like strict system of teaching or there were some other reasons?
-
Strictness was ok for me. I didn’t like white tight-fitting swimming suit that
was very awkward, these ballerines, tight laced girls – I didn’t like that
climate. Our swimming coach used to shout a lot, pushed us – despite it, we
really adored him. But here was kind of distance; everything was focused on
dead result. So, dance happened early in my life, but that was constant
struggle. That was bad, non-interesting struggle, just a bargain with
myself. I remember when I was criticized
severely and said that time: “You will never dance. Never!” That stuck in my
mind, sometimes it even made attacks of lack of self-confidence.
-In fact, dance is like living life. So, you live all life stages during 3-4 minutes, while music is goes on, and there is struggle, love, personal evolution in it. Is it like that?
-Yes, dance
has involved into my life to such level that I can’t imagine my life without
it. I don’t exist without it. I feel psychologically and physically bad, when I
don’t dance. Sometimes while living life of free creator without labor
book and other conventions I want to cut myself some slack, to retire, but I
can’t manage it, as I won’t feel good, if I do it. So, when dance improvisation
is going on, It is not something particular – love, fear or something else –
all my 29 years are placed in these 3-4 minutes.
-How can you describe Your Internal Dance?
-It is
language of deaf-mute. I defined it
accidentally, unconsciously, during my talk with Sergey Sarahanov. Then I
forgot about that. But suddenly something started happening in my life. I
decided to erase my old habits, I went to study abroad so that to be among
professionals and to get rid of most of the things I had worked out in myself
before. There was a moment when I felt that I started making gestures that
hadn’t been usual for me before. Absolutely new gestures appeared. Then later on I wanted to learn deaf mute
language to give shape for my new movements. I went to Pavlovsk to the special
school. Its director was against my idea, she didn’t let me in. The climate
there was so interesting: at first there was silence, then all started
laughing. They all have their stories – it is also dance! Finally, I fixed
regarding entering the courses. Two years passed. I was searching through the
Internet video about deaf people and I came across with battle of poets, where
one woman “was reading” by gestures beautiful poem. Despite the fact that it
was without any words, I understood everything and that was amazing. That was
very similar to things I do and feel. Suddenly I realized that I don’t need to
learn special language, I am living with it with all my being. I would like to
work with it with people. I think that hard of hearing person can tell much
more than I know.
-So, in your case all happened through “zeroing out”. You “zeroed out” and something new happened in your life…
-Yes, it
did. And there was exhaustible marathon of 31 hours of dance non-stop. Then
travelling. I deprived myself from ambitions to dance. I decided to do it
because I wanted to stop wishing to dance for somebody or something, to be
accepted by somebody or excused. Otherwise, it was deceit. Well, ambitions
didn’t leave me completely, but sometimes I don’t care – in a good sense.
- Do you feel any conflict with external world? If yes, how do you react?
- I do. I
react very sharp. Sometimes I feel strong anger. It is difficult to talk about.
In recent times I have been feeling big dependence on people. Well, banal
situation: I have troupe that should be supported. I waited very long, when
some sponsor would appear, would finance our activity, but then I understood
that it could never happen. I left school “Bye-Bye Ballet” in order to hold my troupe by my own classes
and without any dependence on anyone. That moment people started coming to me.
I had dual feelings. On one hand, I needed that, on the other hand, it became
too difficult and impossible. I was working on it.
-What is your mission in your activity?
- I feel
great responsibility towards all people that created technique, esthetics,
filling-up of Contemporary dance. I know very well its history, how it
developed and what creators wanted. And I am scared to see all this “contemp”
existing nowadays. I am afraid that this heritage will become a thing of the
past.
READ MORE...
READ MORE...
